The Thespian

By: Christopher M. Musick

FADE IN:

INT. ELEVATOR OF A BUILDING – DAY

SUSAN, an aspiring actress in her early 20s, enters the elevator gripping a manuscript with anticipation. She presses the number 14 button inside the elevator.

The doors are about to close when a hand wearing a black glove stops them. The elevator opens back up to reveal HARLEY QUINN in full costume and makeup.

HARLEY

Whew! Made it.

Harley nonchalantly walks into the elevator and presses the number 11. Susan backs into one of the corners and tries not to panic. Harley glances over at her and smiles.

HARLEY

Hi.

Susan just stares back at Harley and doesn’t say a word. Harley faces front again and makes a face that says “what’s her problem?” Harley then notices that the number 14 is also pushed.

HARLEY

Level 14 that’s the production company right? (Harley looks back at Susan.) Are you with them?

Susan just nervously shakes her head “NO”.

HARLEY

Oh. Are you auditioning?

Susan shakes her head “YES”.

HARLEY

Cool Beans! What’s it for?

Susan stays quiet cowering in the corner.

HARLEY

You don’t have to be so nervous I’m sure you’ll do fine. (Harley notices the fear in Susan’s eyes as she looks at her.) It’s not me making you this nervous is it? Well don’t worry I’m not here for you. I got a tip that the Commissioner has an appointment on 11 so I’m going to pay him a visit. My Puddin’ wants me to scoop him up and bring him back home. I gotta admit I was a little surprised that he trusted me with such a big task. He’s seemed a little annoyed by me lately. Anyway it’s not part of the plan to take hostages. But of course, my plans don’t always work out like I want.

Susan’s eyes get wider just as the elevator stops abruptly at the 11th floor. The doors don’t open right away so Harley tries to press the open door button but it won’t work.

HARLEY

Uh oh, it’s busted. Piece OF JUNK!

Harley starts smacking the doors as if that will get them to open. Susan stays glued to the corner of the elevator, now more terrified than ever. Finally Harley stops and looks at Susan wild eyed.

HARLEY

Do you know what this means?

Susan is too frozen to react.

HARLEY

You might miss your audition. We can’t let that happen!

Susan looks confused after hearing that. She is about to say something if she could figure out what to say.

HARLEY

No. Don’t you worry we’ll get out of here. I won’t let this opportunity slip by you. This could be it! Everything you ever hoped and dreamed of could start on that 14th floor. But we have to get there in time, Destiny Does Not Wait!

Some of Susan’s fear melts away as Harley speaks and is replaced by mostly confusion. She finally finds herself able to speak.

SUSAN

It’s not for another like 20 minutes. If we push the emergency button I’m sure we’ll get out in time.

HARLEY

Okie Dokie!

Harley finds the emergency button inside the elevator presses it then turns back to Susan and snatches the script out of her hands.

HARLEY

Since we have some time I can run lines with you. You have yours memorized right?

SUSAN

Yes.

HARLEY

Good. So what’s going on? Set the scene for me.

Susan tries to explain the plot but she’s still a little nervous and can’t quite get it all out. Suddenly Harley lunges at her, grabbing her by the arms and staring her right in the eyes.

HARLEY

I know you’re scared. I make you nervous. Everything you’ve heard about me probably suggests that I’m crazy and that I’ll hurt you, which I might… who knows, I’m crazy. But if you’re gonna make it, if you want to be Great this is the first thing you’ll have to conquer. You’re gonna feel these nerves and fear in every audition. You need to put it all out of your head, starting right now. Don’t be here, be in the scene. Forget who I am, your character doesn’t know who I am. You’re only concern right now is whatever your character is concerned about. What’s your character concerned about? (Harley slowly lets Susan go and lets her relax.)

SUSAN

She’s getting an intervention.

HARLEY

An intervention, that’s intense. Okay ya druggie, what are ya hopped up on? What’s your poison?

SUSAN

Meth.

HARLEY

Meth!? Where did you get meth? (Harley grabs her again and shakes her.) Who gave it to you!? Tell me!

SUSAN

(As if she’s actually in trouble)

I don’t know.

HARLEY

(Letting go of Susan)

I’m just shaking you up getting you into character. So you’re on meth. Your hair is thin, your teeth are disgusting, and everything sucks, show it to me.

Susan sloppily tries to give off a drugged out vibe but fails.

HARLEY

What is that? What are you, new to meth? No. At this point you’re so methed up you need an intervention, show it to me.

Susan tries again and actually goes for it and captures it really well.

HARLEY

There it is. Now let’s see. (She looks through the script real quick) So I’m guessing yours are the highlighted lines, so you are her and I’ll be the rest of the family. Now I like to get into character I hope that doesn’t throw you off. (Susan shakes her head “NO”) Good hit me with it.

SUSAN

(In character, acts like she’s walking into a room and surprised to see Harley)

Mom, dad, what’s all this?

HARLEY

(In a deep man voice)

Hello sweetie, why don’t you come take a seat. We’d like to talk to you.

SUSAN

(In character)

About what? What’s Billy, Beth, and Grandma doin here?

HARLEY

(In a sweet elderly woman voice)

We’re all worried about you, deary. You’re not acting like yourself lately. (She changes back to the man voice) We’re afraid you’re going to hurt yourself. (She then changes to a judgmental mother voice)

We know about the drugs.

SUSAN

(In character)

Drugs?

HARLEY

(In a stuck up teenage girl voice)

Don’t even like try and deny it. We all know! Meth Sis, really? Gross. (She changes her voice to sound like a young boy) Pwease big sister stop doing dwugs. I miss you.

SUSAN

(In character starts to break down)

It all fell apart so fast. I was just curious, I didn’t think it would go this far. But I let it. It’s my fault. I wasn’t strong enough to resist or to see that what I was doing was wrong. Eventually it got easier because when I looked at myself I didn’t see me anymore. (Harley pays attention to Susan’s performance and the words start to hit her a little hard.) I twisted my own reflection into something else, someone I could hold responsible for all of it, so I would never see how far I had fallen. I don’t know who I am anymore!

HARLEY

(In her normal voice)

Then why don’t you just stop? Comeback.

SUSAN

(In character, really getting into it)

You people think you know everything! That’s the problem, none of you understand so all you can do is look down on me like it’s just so easy to stop. I’m trapped! I created my own cage and something dark and disgusting inside of me just wants to lie down and suffer in it! You all gather here to throw in my face all the ways that I’ve failed or that I’ve hurt you. Well there’s no need. I know what a failure I am and I know how I hurt the ones around me, and I can’t stop. So maybe you’d all be better off leaving me behind and forgetting about me!

HARLEY

(Grabs her again and yells at her)

Why are you acting like this!? Can’t you see that He’s killing you!?

Susan gets taken out of the scene for a moment.

SUSAN

It.

HARLEY

What?

SUSAN

The line is IT is killing you, not HE.

HARLEY

Did I say HE?

SUSAN

Yeah

HARLEY

Huh….. Well I’ve taken too many psyche classes to ignore a slip like that.

Harley gets quiet as she drifts off a little and starts to reflect. Susan can see that something is wrong.

SUSAN

You’re really good, by the way. You were really sucked me into the scene.

HARLEY

Thank you. You too. You got nothing to worry about.

SUSAN

You know a lot about this stuff, do you have an acting background?

HARLEY

I was a thespian in high school. In all the plays Sophomore and Senior year. I even convinced them to let me audition for Bottom in a Midsummer Night’s Dream which is usually a male part (She starts to theatrically recite Shakespeare)

Sweet Moon, I thank thee for thy sunny beams;

I thank thee, Moon, for shining now so bright;

For, by thy gracious, golden, glittering gleams,

I trust to take of truest Thisby sight.

But stay, O spite!

But mark, poor knight,

What dreadful dole is here!

Eyes, do you see?

How can it be?

O dainty duck! O dear!

Thy mantle good,

What, stain'd with blood!

Approach, ye Furies fell!

O Fates, come, come,

Cut thread and thrum;

Quail, crush, conclude, and quell!

Just as Harley finished the elevator makes a THUD and the doors open. Harley quickly looks over to Susan.

Harley

Well Toots, it’s been fun. Good Luck!

(As she says it she takes a gun out and exits the elevator)

Susan watches the elevator doors close and hears a gun shot.

HARLEY

(In the distance)

All right nobody move! I’m here for Gordon!

INT. ELEVATOR OF A BUSINESS BUILDING – LATER THAT DAY

Susan steps into the elevator smiling and presses the ground floor button. The elevator stops after a few floors. The doors open revealing Harley Quinn in handcuffs followed by COMISSIONER GORDON. The elevator starts moving again and Harley notices Susan.

HARLEY

Hey! How was the audition?

SUSAN

I got it!

The two of them squee in excitement and jump up and down much to Gordon’s chagrin. Harley looks up at Gordon.

HARLEY

Keep an eye on this one Comissh. She’s gonna be a big star one day.

Gordon stays stoic. Susan smiles at him still a little giddy. Harley continues to look up at Gordon until Gordon rolls his eyes and looks at Susan.

GORDON

Congratulations.

SUSAN

Thank you!

Harley and Susan are all smiles as the elevator makes its journey to the ground floor.

FADE OUT.